Difficult to Offend

James 1:19-21

¹⁹Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

²⁰for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

²¹Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.

Many years ago, a wonderful saint of the Lord shared these words with me. “Be difficult to offend.” Such a simple phrase and yet rich with implication. It perfectly elucidates “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger”. The first truth about Christianity is that we are justified by Christ. He alone has the power through His death and resurrection to declare me justified or righteous for He is the only One who is already perfectly holy and without error. My attempts as self-justification are a vain attempt to act as god in my own life. It’s a bad fit. But as we all know, when we believe we might be declared unrighteous (or wrong) we begin to let forth a flood of words with which we seek to defend our own behaviors and/or beliefs. We enter the world of self-explanation and self-defense.

In the world of modern psychology, we find the concept of Cognitive Dissonance. This is where we might hold two conflicting ideas in our minds as the same time. An example of this would be the smoker who holds that while smoking is very unhealthy, they are actually keeping themselves from gaining weight because that is unhealthy too. So they smoke while knowing it is bad for them. In many cases, they will defend themselves and their stance on their smoking habit. They know better but they do it anyway.

(If you would like to explore this concept more, you can read the book Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) ©2007 by Elliot Aronson and Carol Tavris. It is in no way a book about the faith, but it is certainly an interesting take on the whole concept of self-justification from a worldly viewpoint.)

If I follow the words of James, I will NOT succumb to the temptation to “explain” my thinking, right or wrong. If I am difficult to offend, I will not need to jump to my own defense. Instead I can be slow to speak and slow to anger. It is tough to allow someone to attack you. Being slow to defend myself flies in the face of my internal wiring. But if you can hold your tongue for just a few moments the attacking person’s words will simply peter out. If you don’t pour gasoline on a burning match it is very quickly extinguished by the fact that the match is short and the fuel supply runs out. Suddenly you are no longer in a situation that calls for self-justification. You can simply walk away. Slow to speak.

I know this works because I have been married to a man for almost 35 years who does not let his words become angry. He simply says nothing. I can say with complete honesty that he has never raised his voice to me since the day I met him. (So you see, this is not a do as I do sort of suggestion. I have learned by example over the years.) That doesn’t mean he never gets angry. What he doesn’t do is say many words that he’ll have to recant latter. It’s impressive. And it is proof of the fact that God puts us with people who compliment us rather than are just like us, for I cannot make the same claim about myself. An added benefit of internalizing these verses is if I am not spending my conversational time thinking of words with which to defend myself, I am actually able to listen to what the other person has to say! What a fantastic piece of grace we can offer one another in that way.