Marriage to the Unbeliever

1 Corinthians 7:12-16

¹² To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. ¹³ If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. ¹⁴ For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. ¹⁵ But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. ¹⁶ For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

When I was growing up, my father often commented about the fact that marriage to someone outside of the Christian faith would be a mistake. He taught me that there were already many things that could come against a marriage and one should not add to that list by marrying a non-Christian. He would even go so far as to say that I should stay within our denomination if at all possible. He had married outside of his denomination and knew first-hand the difficulties that might arise because of that choice. (My mother left the church of her youth and joined my father at church after I was born in order to keep the family together in the faith. I am forever grateful for her sacrifice, for to her it was indeed a sacrifice.) When I came home from college engaged to a man who was headed to the Seminary to become a pastor, my father thought that perhaps I had taken his admonitions a bit too far – family joke.

Paul now speaks to a church that is most likely filled with people who are married to someone who did not join them in their conversion to Christianity. This was a generation who would, in most cases, not have been born to Christian parents as Christianity was new. Adult conversions were the norm. Now what happens to the marriage? Suddenly this unbeliever is married to a person who embraces a life-altering Savior and nothing is the same. That situation is going to go in one of two directions. Either the unbelieving spouse is going to be bitter and disappointed, or they are not going to care. It was a poly-theistic culture. Maybe they wouldn’t care if their spouse embraced yet another God. If they were unconcerned about this shift in the marriage, then Paul says the believer must stay in the relationship, but if the unbelieving spouse wants to leave the marriage, allow that peacefully. Understandably, this would be incredibly difficult.

Paul adds an interesting addendum to this idea at the beginning of his remarks, though. These are his thoughts – not necessarily God’s. He’s putting his opinion into the letter but making sure the readers know this idea does not come from the inspiration of the Spirit. That is an important distinction. While it may be wise counsel, it need not be taken as holy writ. So, make of it what you will. He does say that life with a believer does carry the possibility of bringing about a conversion. Please note that unbelieving spouse is made holy doesn’t mean they are saved. That happens on an individual basis and not by association. You are not saved because someone in your family believes in Jesus. But association with that person can influence your heart and the Holy Spirit can use that witness to change a life. If life with them isn't terrible, that may be a good reason to stay.